The month of March holds special memories for me. It was the month I got my driver's license. It was (and is) the last month of the first quarter of the year. It is also the month when I feel that inner tingle which signifies an anticipation, hope for the emergence of spring.
I have always felt that once I make it through January, February and March, I deserve to look forward to April & May, hence warmer weather and welcoming of spring. Although, living in Michigan, making it through March doesn't necessarily mean we're through with snow, as to which we rugged Michiganders can attest. It just means that the bulk of winter's windy wiles are behind us and we can soon embrace better weather.
For me March also punctuates life and death. It was the month my firstborn, Andrew, was born; and the month both my father and father-in-law died. This March 3rd will be the 20th anniversary of my father's death and on March 13th, the 7th anniversary of my father-in-law's death.
Nothing ever prepares you for the loss of a parent. Even when death is imminent, acceptance has been met, and the arrangements have been made, the actual loss and its effect on your soul can't be described, only felt by those of us who are left behind.
Watching my father's chest rattle as he took his last breath on that cold, windy March evening was the most profound experience of my life. Both my sister and I held our collective breaths as he took his last one. I knew the exact moment he passed from this life to the eternal mysterious one as I touched his cold hand and watched his skin turn almost translucent.
But the single most powerful memory happened moments before he took his last breath...it was when I saw him smile. It was then that I knew he was going to a better place, a place where he would no longer suffer and finally be at peace.
Twenty years later and I still miss my dad. I miss his wacky humor, his funny smile, his lame jokes and his creative mind. When I hold my beautiful granddaughter close, I wonder if my dad watches us; or if he laughs at the way my grandson giggles at his older sister when she tickles him.
Somehow I sense his spirit and feel his presence guiding me through the hardest times. It's at those times I dream of him and he comforts me, always. It's at those times when I realize he'll always be a part of me the same as I will be a part of my children and grandchildren.
After all is said and done, the most valuable legacy we leave behind, is love.
